Thoughts

It's our turn for the sickies. Blech. Little boy home from school with an exhausting cough. I've got it too and lots of snot. Took the night off work on Thursday but here I am on Friday night because there is pretty much no-one else to work! Only one woman in who has just had her seventh baby and doesn't need much help from me. I'm alcoholling my hands and holding my breath whenever I go near her room, just in case.

I'm in the throws of deciding whether to give up work or not. I went back to work almost a year ago because I was going a little crazy and financially we REALLY needed it. But now it's not so tough moneywise and I'm finding I'm going crazy in a different way.

My family has no routine and it's hard for the little ones who never know if Mummy is going to tuck them in at night, be there if they wake in the night or be home with them for breakfast. Darlin' Hubby is putting in the whinge too about us never being at home together - it's either him home with the kids and me working or vice versa. I put it to him that maybe HE should quit his job, but being self-employed that's not really a goer. And besides it's me who's not really enjoying my job.

And that's the big thing. When I studied Midwifery about eight years ago, I was passionate about it in a "I'm gunna change the world" kind of way. And now I'm not. I'm still interested in it, I still enjoy it and I still think it's important. But I'm just not PASSIONATE about it.

I went down to Auckland for a one-day workshop on Wednesday. It was an amazing workshop on Childbirth Education. Inspiring, informing, energetic. But it confirmed my thoughts, I've lost my real enthusiasm for it all.

It might be that it's because of the impact it has on my family. It might be because there is not as much time left over for the other things I want to do, namely quilting and, for a want of a better word, homesteading. But whatever the reason, it's getting mighty hard to look forward to another shift.

What do you do when you have a big decision to make? What helps you sort out your thoughts?

Ug, me big hunter.

Dear hubby came home VERY proud of himself! Terrible photo I know, but taken in the dark with me holding a torch and using the flash, and a grimacing husband saying polite words about hurrying up because it's rather heavy! It's a hapuka which is beautiful eating and lovely smoked.

Son and daughter had just been put to bed, but they heard the boat rattling down the drive and had to come and see daddy's catch - they weren't disappointed.

Not much else happening round here. I've been doing another set of antenatal classes. They always make me nervous to start with and I always wonder if I've told them enough, made it interesting, covered what they need to know, hope I don't offend anyone..........stressful.

Next month I am going to a workshop in Auckland called Breath New Life into your Childbirth Education Classes. Run by an Aussie woman, (whose name I've temporarily forgotten) she comes highly recommended, and as I've had no formal education on giving classes, I'm hoping it will give me a few ideas.

The garden is on hold again (I might just die of frustration!). We've decided to extend the shed. Because we decided to live in the shed, now we have no actual shed - no place to store the tractor, the tools, the wood we had sawn for our house building and all those other bits and pieces you need to keep out of the weather. And, of course, nowhere for the man of the house to retreat to. So, off to the left of the shed in that pic up there (this is before we converted it), will be another big bay. Plus we are going to put up a big verandah extending all the way along the front of the house.

The upshot of all that is there will be some site flattening to do and all the topsoil from that is going to be moved onto my garden site for raised beds. It makes sense to wait for this to be done, but it's sure driving me crazy!