This blog is a bit of a ramble through my life. There's a lot about quilting and textile arts, a sprinkle of my family life and some of my thoughts and ponderings. We currently live aboard an old wooden 1945 Navy boat, called MV Cerego, so you'll find me writing about that too. Welcome aboard!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Thoughts

It's our turn for the sickies. Blech. Little boy home from school with an exhausting cough. I've got it too and lots of snot. Took the night off work on Thursday but here I am on Friday night because there is pretty much no-one else to work! Only one woman in who has just had her seventh baby and doesn't need much help from me. I'm alcoholling my hands and holding my breath whenever I go near her room, just in case.

I'm in the throws of deciding whether to give up work or not. I went back to work almost a year ago because I was going a little crazy and financially we REALLY needed it. But now it's not so tough moneywise and I'm finding I'm going crazy in a different way.

My family has no routine and it's hard for the little ones who never know if Mummy is going to tuck them in at night, be there if they wake in the night or be home with them for breakfast. Darlin' Hubby is putting in the whinge too about us never being at home together - it's either him home with the kids and me working or vice versa. I put it to him that maybe HE should quit his job, but being self-employed that's not really a goer. And besides it's me who's not really enjoying my job.

And that's the big thing. When I studied Midwifery about eight years ago, I was passionate about it in a "I'm gunna change the world" kind of way. And now I'm not. I'm still interested in it, I still enjoy it and I still think it's important. But I'm just not PASSIONATE about it.

I went down to Auckland for a one-day workshop on Wednesday. It was an amazing workshop on Childbirth Education. Inspiring, informing, energetic. But it confirmed my thoughts, I've lost my real enthusiasm for it all.

It might be that it's because of the impact it has on my family. It might be because there is not as much time left over for the other things I want to do, namely quilting and, for a want of a better word, homesteading. But whatever the reason, it's getting mighty hard to look forward to another shift.

What do you do when you have a big decision to make? What helps you sort out your thoughts?

3 comments:

  1. Big decision. Mike made the decision to give up the fly-in, fly-out life in the mines when it also started affecting the family. His boy was not coping, and my depression was getting worse - just finished my six subsidised counselling sessions, all of which helped us prioritise what was really important to us. Less money - happier family. Try writing down the pros and cons - which outweighs which?

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  2. Thanks Lou, happiness has to be the priority, pros and cons is a good idea.

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  3. I'm not good with decisions. I go back and forth a gazillion-million times, then tend to decide with my heart rather than with my head. I usually "ask" the universe to show me a "sign." - And there usually is a sign, but I have yet to figure out if that sign is "real" or just in my head. Well, I'm not much help, am I? Sending you good decision-making vibes! --- P.S. As for the knitting. Maybe one day... when you are not busy... we could figure out a trade... quilting for knitting... ;-) --- I can't sew a straight seam! Much love, Cadi

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